Right now I am currently living in Washington, while my boyfriend lives on the east coast. We?ve already been together for 14 months, 12 of those we spent apart. The way life is looking right now we?re going to have to spend another 9 months apart. We?re crazy in love though, and I really believe that we?re right for each other. Do you think that we can make it despite the distance?
Sorry, but long distance relationship never work.
I mean, sure, if you?ve been married for years and your spouse gets deployed overseas, things may (but not always) remain okay. But outside of long-term marriage situations, I?ve never seen any truly long-term relationships survive.
Ask yourself why people get into relationships in the first place and then think about why you are in this relationship now. A good healthy relationship provides a lot of good benefits, as well as some headaches to be sure, which is why most of us are always interested in being in one.
In your case, you and your boyfriend have actually only spent two months together, while you?ve spent SIX TIMES that amount of time apart, living in a long distance relationship. And now you are talking about another 9 months away, which means you?ll have only spent two months together over the last two years.
There are many different types of relationships, ranging from friendship to purely sexual to purely emotional to one-sided and everything in between. I have friends I haven?t seen in years who I still stay in contact with. I even have at least one friend on facebook that I am fairly fond of whom I?ve actually never met. And while these relationships can be fun and amusing, they aren?t real relationships in the same way that a relationship you have with someone you see in person frequently will be.
For a lot of people, online and long distance relationships fill part of the need they have to feel a connection with someone. Unfortunately for many people, they let those surrogate relationships serve as an excuse not to pursue what they truly want, a real full in-person happy relationship, but are afraid they can never achieve for one reason or another. These surrogate relationships become enablers for people, especially those who are more socially challenged, and stop them from going out and finding something more meaningful and real.
The act of dating someone is a process that requires time to feel each other out and see if things will work. You can only do so much over facebook, the telephone or even web video. There are little quirky things that we all do that some people may find adorable but others may find a deal breaker. These often take months and even sometimes years to surface, and how well two people mesh in a long distance relationship is really not much of an indicator on how well they?ll mesh as an in-person relationship. It would suck tremendously if you wait another 9 months only to realize within a few weeks of being back together again that you?re not right for each other. You?ll never get those two years back.
Hey, sure, I?m a hopeless romantic and I?m all about the whole Love Conquers All thing. But I have to tell you that the odds are against you. Even if you and your boyfriend and locking yourselves in your respective long distance rooms and avoiding any unnecessary contact with people of the opposite sex, it?s going to happen. And this month, or next month, or three months from now, either you or your boyfriend are going to meet someone local to them. It?s going to just start out as a casual friendship of course, since you are both in committed, if long distance, relationships. But we all have needs, physical, emotional, and mental, and these needs are going to start to create some chemistry with this other person. Pretty soon the ?what if? and ?if only? scenarios will start playing in your heads, and soon after you guys will find yourselves thinking more about this local person than you do your long distance soul mate. Eventually, the long distance relationship will feel like an ugly burden that you want to be rid of so you can pursue who you truly want, and you?ll be miserable until you finally break it off.
If you really want to see if this relationship is truly meant to be, my advice would be for the two of you to agree to an open relationship where you can date other people. If this thought scares the living shit out of you, that?s a really bad sign. But if you feel completely confident that you can open your relationship up and both of you are free to date and sleep with whomever else you choose, and neither of you would even in a million years take advantage of that opportunity, then you have your answer. Anything less and, I?m sorry, but this thing just isn?t going to work out and the sooner you both move on, the better.
____________________
Personally, I am not a firm believer in long-distance relationships. I think they?re messy. I think idle time is the devil?s plaything. The longer each of you are sitting around twiddling your thumbs (or other parts of your body) on opposite ends of the globe, the greater the temptation of doing something detrimental to the relationship. Humans are humans. We crave physical connections with one another. There is only so far a mental connection can take you before the inevitable need to fuck comes a?knockin. Once in a blue moon, though, there are those mind-boggling couples that somehow make it work. Kinda like the morbidly obese ladies who marry death-row inmates.
The fact that the two of you have already made it work an ENTIRE year without each other is kind of a good sign. It?s like, you?ve already gone twelve months. What?s another nine? As long as the two of you have some kind of deadline, some scheduled point in time when this bullshit is going to end and you?ll finally get to stop awkwardly Skype-sexing (only fun for the guy), then I really think you should do all you can to make this work.
If both of you have been faithful, trust and respect each other, and think you can suffer through another nine months, I say go for it. Totally go for it. Don?t let distance come in the way of a good thing, if it truly is a good thing. Yes, humans do have natural needs, but we also have common sense, a conscience, and the ability to LOVE. For days. I realize I?m getting totally Nicholas Sparks on everyone right now, but love is powerful. When it?s real between two people it can conquer a little bit of distance and a little bit of time. Hell, the majority of the world would not have made it as long as you guys have.
Source: http://askabouncerandablonde.com/can-my-long-distance-relationship-with-my-boyfriend-last/
kiwi our daily bread white pages osiris new york jets 9 11 memorial 9 11 memorial
No comments:
Post a Comment